Why "Time Heals All Wounds" Isn't True - And What Really Helps in Grief

Why “Time Heals All Wounds” Isn’t True – And What Really Helps in Grief

We’ve all heard the saying, “Time heals all wounds,” but I have to admit, it’s a quote I can’t stand. In my work with clients, especially those grieving a loss or processing trauma, I consistently hear how unhelpful this saying is. The idea that time alone will fix things can feel dismissive, and in many ways, it’s simply not true.

Sure, time gives us distance from painful events. It might reduce the intensity of the thoughts, feelings, and reactions we have toward the loss, the breakup, or the traumatic event. But distance doesn’t equal healing. And it certainly doesn’t mean we’re “over it” just because some time has passed.

Healing takes more than waiting for the clock to tick away the pain. It’s an active, intentional process that requires you to be involved. Let me walk you through why time alone won’t heal your wounds—and how you can begin to heal with purpose.

1. Acknowledge the Impact

The first step in healing is acknowledging that something significant has happened. You have experienced a loss, a break-up, or a trauma. Denying or minimizing the impact can delay healing. It’s vital to recognize that the event has affected you and that your thoughts, feelings, and reactions are valid. The acknowledgment of your pain is the starting point of healing. Without it, the wound stays untreated, no matter how much time passes.

2. Process Your Thoughts and Feelings

Once you’ve recognized the impact, you need to process your emotions. This part is where therapy can be especially helpful. A safe space with a therapist allows you to unpack your grief, confusion, anger, and other emotions in a healthy way. Talking about your experience with someone you trust—someone who listens deeply—can help you make sense of the emotions that may otherwise feel overwhelming.

The key here is to give yourself permission to feel all of the emotions that come up. Don’t rush through them, ignore them, or push them aside. Grief, trauma, and loss come with a mix of emotions that need space to be understood and processed. In doing so, you’ll begin to release the grip that these feelings have over you.

3. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Healing is not a straight line. It’s full of ups and downs, and sometimes you may feel like you’re taking one step forward only to be pulled two steps back. Maybe one day you feel like you’ve made progress, and then something—a memory, a scent, a song—triggers a flood of feelings. It’s easy to think that means you’re not healing or that you’re weak for struggling. But I’m here to tell you: you’re not weak. You’re human.

In moments like this, it’s crucial to practice self-compassion. Be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and there will be times when you feel like you’ve moved past something, only to be reminded of it. This is normal and part of the process. Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness during these moments, not with judgment or self-blame.

Conclusion: You Are the Key to Your Healing

While time can give us space, it’s your active involvement that truly helps you heal. Acknowledge what happened, process your feelings, and be kind to yourself through the ups and downs. Time alone will never heal your wounds, but with intention, self-compassion, and support, you’ll find the peace and healing you deserve.

If you’re struggling with grief, loss, or trauma, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy can be an invaluable tool in navigating this journey, helping you build the resilience needed to heal at your own pace.